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 Post Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 9:26 pm 
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Like Grand parents. My grandmother is going to be 88 on March 10, she's had several strokes and heartattacks and right now she's not doing to well. The hospital practically said there's nothing else to do, so she's home now. It's one of the most excruciating things I've experienced, seeing her look at me and wanting to talk to me but not being able to come out with it, sounds like she's struggling every second, and I still dread that day that I don't have her in Brooklyn for me to visit in a Saturday or a Sunday.
The feeling in the out of my stomach is constant, that shit stays even when I'm laughing at a joke or clowning around.

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 Post Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 10:08 pm 
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I don't have it quite that bad, but my grandfather is the last man standing of all of my grandparents, and he's in a nursing home, suffering from Parkinson's. He had a couple mini-strokes over the years, but it never got as bad as your grandma. He'd only slur like a drunk, as his mobility was already compromised from the Parkinson's.

The man's been in a nursing home for ten plus years. Couple of strokes, a heart attack, and a colostomy surgery, and the tough fucker refuses to die. I saw him on Sunday. His first year in the nursing home was the season of the first Giants-Pats Super Bowl. He told me the next day, "If I knew coming in a place like this would get us a Super Bowl, I would have come here years ago". Grandpa's so old, he was a New York Baseball Giants fan too, so that's five championships between teams named Giants since he got there.

He remained sharp as a tack for most of the years. That was good for us, but sad for him, him knowing where he is at all times, in a nursing home, he'd rather not be at, but at the same time, knows he belongs. Within the last year, his mind has been slipping quite a bit. Some weeks he's there, other's "he's on the moon" as his current lady friend in the nursing home puts it. "He's been on the moon all week".

When he was in ICU before the colostomy surgery, before we knew what the fuck was happening, I can relate to that feeling you're having. It's like, any moment, it's gonna happen. It doesn't go away. It's like more a physical manifestation than anything on your mind. You can just feel it. It lingers with you everywhere.

There's nothing you can say, really, than just keep your head up. It sucks. You'll get through it, and sometimes, for the grandparent, what's gonna happen is better off than the present, and then you go on remembering the better times, and keeping the memory alive when you can.

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 Post Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2017 6:42 pm 
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My grandmother past away about a week before this last Christmas. She was in the same situation, with the doctors basically telling her to go home and enjoy her remaining days. So at least everyone was mentally prepared, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I found out while at work, it was surreal. Then you not only suffer on your own, but you suffer for your parent who just lost a mother. My daughter was close with her as well so telling her and witnessing her reaction was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And then as you mentioned, those days that come around when you'd normally see her, like for me it was Saturdays between 3 and 4 pm for early dinner. Those are hard days to say the least. But you know we here for you, in this limited capacity albeit, but still.

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 Post Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:18 pm 
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I don't have it quite that bad, but my grandfather is the last man standing of all of my grandparents, and he's in a nursing home, suffering from Parkinson's. He had a couple mini-strokes over the years, but it never got as bad as your grandma. He'd only slur like a drunk, as his mobility was already compromised from the Parkinson's.

The man's been in a nursing home for ten plus years. Couple of strokes, a heart attack, and a colostomy surgery, and the tough fucker refuses to die. I saw him on Sunday. His first year in the nursing home was the season of the first Giants-Pats Super Bowl. He told me the next day, "If I knew coming in a place like this would get us a Super Bowl, I would have come here years ago". Grandpa's so old, he was a New York Baseball Giants fan too, so that's five championships between teams named Giants since he got there.

He remained sharp as a tack for most of the years. That was good for us, but sad for him, him knowing where he is at all times, in a nursing home, he'd rather not be at, but at the same time, knows he belongs. Within the last year, his mind has been slipping quite a bit. Some weeks he's there, other's "he's on the moon" as his current lady friend in the nursing home puts it. "He's been on the moon all week".

When he was in ICU before the colostomy surgery, before we knew what the fuck was happening, I can relate to that feeling you're having. It's like, any moment, it's gonna happen. It doesn't go away. It's like more a physical manifestation than anything on your mind. You can just feel it. It lingers with you everywhere.

There's nothing you can say, really, than just keep your head up. It sucks. You'll get through it, and sometimes, for the grandparent, what's gonna happen is better off than the present, and then you go on remembering the better times, and keeping the memory alive when you can.


Yea... Lingers is the perfect word. I have had this lingering gut feeling before, I dread it and for whatever reason and I guess it's mostly denial I failed to reliaze this was coming. This will get dark before too soon, my mother is carrying the burden of being the child that's there, even though there's 5 Brothers that appear to be nowhere to be seen when it matters the most. I am eating this with my mother, I want to absorb as much pain as she does so that she understands she's not alone. I feel like murdering something.

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 Post Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:25 pm 
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My grandmother past away about a week before this last Christmas. She was in the same situation, with the doctors basically telling her to go home and enjoy her remaining days. So at least everyone was mentally prepared, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I found out while at work, it was surreal. Then you not only suffer on your own, but you suffer for your parent who just lost a mother. My daughter was close with her as well so telling her and witnessing her reaction was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And then as you mentioned, those days that come around when you'd normally see her, like for me it was Saturdays between 3 and 4 pm for early dinner. Those are hard days to say the least. But you know we here for you, in this limited capacity albeit, but still.


Thanks Bro, wrote a thesis back to you and it got erased before I submitted.

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 Post Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 7:50 pm 
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This will get dark before too soon, my mother is carrying the burden of being the child that's there, even though there's 5 Brothers that appear to be nowhere to be seen when it matters the most. I am eating this with my mother, I want to absorb as much pain as she does so that she understands she's not alone. I feel like murdering something.

Weak motherfuckers put their head in the sand. I'm one of two people still visiting my grandpops. People will be at the funeral, whenever that is, acting like they care, and they never fucking visited him once in ten years. Weak motherfuckers.

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 Post Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:08 pm 
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This will get dark before too soon, my mother is carrying the burden of being the child that's there, even though there's 5 Brothers that appear to be nowhere to be seen when it matters the most. I am eating this with my mother, I want to absorb as much pain as she does so that she understands she's not alone. I feel like murdering something.

Weak motherfuckers put their head in the sand. I'm one of two people still visiting my grandpops. People will be at the funeral, whenever that is, acting like they care, and they never fucking visited him once in ten years. Weak motherfuckers.


And that's what bothers me the most man, such a huge family, where they at? I'm extremely independent, but seeing my mother go through this and seeing that my presence alone doesn't make things better makes me wish we had reinforcements, 6 fucking kids birthed, for what? Them Niggas is trying to call shits from afar, then they'll show up at the funeral to hold mass because of their new found faith, it'll get ugly.
And when the time comes, I don't care who's a son, I'm a grandson and I'll be running things, because I'm the one hearing her gasping and moan alongside my mother - and I see her looking at me and I know she's thinking the same. Thing, "where these mothafuckas at? “.

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 Post Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:25 pm 
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I just wrote a book, and lost it too...fuck. Coming back.

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 Post Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:35 pm 
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I ducked this thread for a while....

I dont do death well, never have, never will. And I have been blessed to not have immediate family go on me after 36 years on earth. Lost a grandfather I never knew 2 years back. Other than that nothing but grand aunts and uncles, and I almost headbutted a few ppl at those funerals when they was smiling and acting like it was an ordinary day. My grandmother is in her last 80s now and we feel she gonna go in some years and that will be an ordeal for me eventually. But for some others, they dont give a fuck. These people are planning on what item of hers they are gonna get when she passes. Like what the fuck is wrong with these people??? That day is going to be a fucking battle royal between my fathers kids, who never ask for a fucking thing, and the rest of the selfish fucks who really dont give a fuck.

Bro, I dont even know what to say to you man. The way people handle these times says a great deal about them, and the fact that you and your mom are doing it the way you do shows the great people you are....while these other assholes out there...you know what they qualify as. Cowardly scummy people man. Just be there for her man, that's all she wants...thats all she needs, she's blessed to have that, and you are blessed to have a woman who passed down her spirit into yall for you to come out right. And you know where we are man, anytime anywhere!

And if you wanna headbutt a dude when the time comes, take the higher road, but if you wanna step down in the gutter, Ill never say you're wrong brother!

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 Post Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:07 pm 
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This will get dark before too soon, my mother is carrying the burden of being the child that's there, even though there's 5 Brothers that appear to be nowhere to be seen when it matters the most. I am eating this with my mother, I want to absorb as much pain as she does so that she understands she's not alone. I feel like murdering something.

Weak motherfuckers put their head in the sand. I'm one of two people still visiting my grandpops. People will be at the funeral, whenever that is, acting like they care, and they never fucking visited him once in ten years. Weak motherfuckers.


This situation is bound to happen in most families I would think. My uncle always talked shit about those who would never visit my gran and then they'll be the first ones asking "why". Sure enough at the wake it happened, and my uncle flipped out and a huge argument ensued. I didn't blame him.

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 Post Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 2:26 am 
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Somewhat related to the absent family member situation we all got to deal with at some point, is that dude that, "Doesn't like hospitals", so they don't visit when somebody is in there. Bitch, nobody likes hospitals. You think anybody is thrilled about going to a fucking hospital to see a friend or family member in a bad spot? Like they're gladly making time in their day to do that shit. "I don't do well with hospitals, dog". Yeah, welcome to humanity, motherfucker. Nobody does well in hospitals. You do the right thing, you force yourself to go, maybe you go home later and throw up in the toilet from your nerves being so shook from the experience, and then you do it again. Grow the fuck up.

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 Post Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:46 am 
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Absolutely ^^^^^

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 Post Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 11:21 am 
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Ayyy...hate to hear that you are in this situation bro. Luckily my folks are still in good shape, but I went through this ish with my grandparents. My thoughts with you man.


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 Post Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:21 pm 
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If you live a pretty long life, you will experience some life and some death. It can sure manifest itself in a pain that is physical.the first time you hear your dad has cancer, or uncle Lawton has died suddenly and his ass was the one that ran everyday at 78 years. The best shape of us all. For me, it's that initial part that is a physical pain. That's me now anyway. My main career was a nurse for a couple years and people died that were under my direct responsibility. That pain hurt and made me depressed and I found another job that I did not deal with death.

The me now had to develop a coping mechanism that somehow looked past the nasty, ugly part of dying. I am just able to block it and focus on the good part of their life, fishing, eating, drinking beer, whatever that good time is. Evidently, it worked. My cousin who I was very close too died several years back. I can't even remember how she looked when she was dying. I just see her and my drunk ass on myrtle beach drinking gin.

To answer your question, I have never had someone like that die close to me. Sure, all the grandparents are gone, but, I was never involved enough or the adults kept us away from it, but, it never was painful. I don't know if you will able too, but, just somehow focus on the good memories. Maybe you and her on the Dominican or where ever beach. Enjoying the home cooked meal she did for a holiday.

I realize it a painful process, sort and keep the good memories. I mean no disrespect with my prior paragraphs.


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 Post Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:33 pm 
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No disrespect to the seriousness of this thread, but, on a somewhat lighter side.....

A couple weeks before the Super Bowl, got a call from Mom and my dad had some blood in his piss. It looked like bladder cancer (and it was, 2 weeks post surgery, all well) and I had that initial punch in the gut. So, I figured he would be dead in a month. My Dad is a homer for all Georgia teams, Falcons, Braves, Hawks, and since the beginning of all them in Atlanta. All I was thinking is the Falcons have to win this one for Pops. Shit, I was convinced that a god would not allow the Patriots to win.

Pops ending up fine and I fucking jinxed the Falcons.


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 Post Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 7:53 pm 
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March 2nd she left us. She's good now I'm sure, but it's been a devastating 2 weeks. Her birthday was on the 10th and my mom's birthday was yesterday and she's obviously feeling it, can't even tell ya how grandpops reacted and I almost caused a full out family riot the day before the funeral, I was ready, nobody bit though. Fuck it, that's how I deal with it, been to tired to hit that alcohol but as soon as I do I'm doing a bottle to the cranium.

Like I said, we all sad but she's happy right now. I know that much. I'll see her again.

Thank you all for hitting me back on this.

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 Post Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 8:23 pm 
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Sorry to hear that. Keep strong.

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 Post Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 8:25 pm 
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She's doing better man. Keep on keepin on, for her and for Moms.

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 Post Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2017 12:01 pm 
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Im ducking this thread. I've just dealt with it so much. I've got 2 grandparents left. Both are in the 90's. One has been in a home for about a decade and doesn't' know anyone. The other is alone and her sister just checked into an assisted living home. They don't even get along. The end of life has gotten so drugged up and stretched out that I don't have much to say positively about it all. Its so bad, I try to remember who they were before became the shell I see and hear now.

BE strong. Look to your little ones. Enjoy them. Its hard to believe we all once were little.


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 Post Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2017 7:37 pm 
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Sorry to hear it. It sucks.

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 Post Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 12:53 am 
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My Grandpops died last night. This coming February would have been 11 years in the nursing home, as Parkinson's took away his body, while his mind stayed sharp. What a motherfucker of a disease. With the goddamned weekend, and then holiday, the wake won't be until Wednesday or Thursday, so we got to wait almost a week, which fucking sucks. The man that got me into boxing, among many other things, I'll miss him very much, but I got no regrets as far as our relationship goes, and to be honest, I'm a little relieved he escaped the hellhole of that disease. With that being said, I might be going to that wake like DaTruth, man. Some Italian vendetta shit from the other side of the family I didn't even know I had. I'm going to be in a room of motherfuckers that never visited him once in 11 years, the enemy. I might sidestep the eulogy, and just roast everybody there instead. Me and my Aunt. That was it. Every week. Now it's on us for the arrangements, and the flowers, and the cemetary, and the fucking hymns, and the prayer cards, and all that shit, while these assholes walk in for the first time in a decade talking about how much they cared about him. Fucking bastards.

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 Post Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 11:33 am 
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Sorry for your loss bro. How young was the boss?

My grandmother is in it with alzeimers and dementia right now, and we broke to putting her in a home a year ago, and admittedly I dont see her much, my sister has been the driver. But you wouldnt believe all the fuckin robbers who came out of the woodwork, demanding that they should get her bed, and her furniture, even trying to get a chunk of her pension money and savings while her mind becomes more and more addled. And these same cunts are already making plans on what should be left to them when she dies. My grandmothers power of attorney is in my sisters hands just so her thieving kids cant do anything, all takers man, except my father who has the give give give to a fault failing. I know you dont buy the god stuff, but she is vehemently christian, and I honestly feel God is keeping.

So Im not there yet, but when the day comes and she passes, I might have to bottle someone who looks at my little sister wrong.

Fuck turning the other cheek, let these assholes have it if they've earned it.

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 Post Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 3:52 pm 
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My condolences Gruber. You know we are here for you bro.

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 Post Posted: Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:53 am 
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Aye grubs, I;m sorry to hear that man.


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 Post Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 1:02 am 
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Thanks, everybody. Shit's finally over. At the wake, I was in the back of the room checking out the rest of the room like El Terrible watching Floyd stutter through a press conference.

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